The Hanged Man in love: What to do when it’s best to do nothing.

The Hanged Man from the New Pallidini Tarot.

Getting the Hanged Man in a tarot spread, especially if it’s a romance spread…tends to make people slump. They either assume it is a bad card, or they just…blank out, and spend time on all the cards around it, carefully avoiding it like the upside down elephant in the room. But…I am here to make an argument that The Hanged Man is a friend. A good friend. The one that gently but exasperatingly tries to get you to PUT DOWN THE SHOVEL (or that phone!) and quit digging yourself in deeper.

Listen to your pal.

An excerpt from my book, Love Tarot for Beginners, on our serene acrobat:

12: THE HANGED MAN

TRADITIONAL MEANING

A pause in the action. Needing to let go of all attempts to control. Sacrifice. Peaceful waiting. Submission.

LOVE READING

This is a card of fascinating contradictions. Its message is one of needing to behave in a way that is probably the opposite of what is instinctual for you.

The Hanged Man is here to tell you that this is a time where you cause more problems the more you struggle, cause more loss the more you “try.” This is a time of letting go; not of the relationship, but of any attempts to control the outcome.

This is out of your hands. In a traditional Tarot deck, you will see that even though the man is suspended upside down, his face is serene. This is you. This needs to be you. In letting go, you win. In surrendering, you survive. If you are pushing someone hard to behave in a certain way, give you what you want to create a certain experience, or even to feel a certain way, then it will not succeed.

This is a delicate time, and whatever happens next will not be up to you. There are certain cards in the deck that strongly reinforce this idea. If The Fool, The High Priestess, Strength, or the restful Four of Swords show in the same reading, then you need to be cool as a cucumber: relax, be gentle with yourself, and let go of all demands.

If the Lovers card appears with this card, well, then you are really twisting in the wind, and the fate of this relationship is out of your hands.

Control is a tricky thing. It’s like trying to sit on top of a beach ball while in a swimming pool: sure, you got that baby under water for now, but eventually it’s going to pop up, and you are going down. Why not, instead, gently hold onto that ball as you skim the surface, letting it carry you across the water?

POSSIBLE OUTCOME

You don’t get to know that right now! This is the Tarot’s “Magic 8 Ball” equivalent of “Ask Again Later.” Later, by the way, doesn’t mean in an hour. Be still. Have faith. Let go. This is a card of beneficial outcome, but only if you stop struggling.

 

Ah. It is very, very hard to let go of the need to control. Especially when you LURVE someone, or WANT someone, or, eep, feel like you NEED someone. That’s a crummy feeling, that last one. It has a graspy, exhausted tone that feels something like holding your arms out in front of you for, say, about an hour.

No good.

Here is a case of freedom in surrender. What does surrender look like, in this case? Setting down the phone. Frantic texts are not for you. Freedom to Think About Other Things Besides Mr. Or Ms. Perfect. Freedom to focus on neglected friendships, hobbies, interests. Freedom, because to do anything ELSE ..to poke poke poke at that cage of wished for outcome, is a big dang mistake. STOP IT. You can not pester the situation into submission..into wanting you.

You are a person of value and you don’t chase after stuff. Stuff wants you, baby.

So hang.

Watch it come to you happily…or drop away, because it was never going to work. Either way.. you win!

Good luck out there!

 

 

 

 

The Six of Cups and Temperance: Nostalgic Longing in the Age of Anxiety.

Can we go trick-or-treating yet?

Welcome to another edition of Tarot Odd Couples, wherein I randomly draw two cards from the Tarot deck, hope that they are SUPER INTERESTING together, discuss how they relate to each other, how to read them together, and then yammer for a bit about the bigger ideas contained within. Like I am some sort of wise person. Snort.

This one will meander a bit. You can see the TL;dr at the bottom, if you need quick answers to your pressing Tarot confusion!

I drew the cards in the morning,  the Six of Cups and Temperance, and then had to run errands, which was good, as I had decided that I needed to let my brain percolate on the subject, and how to introduce the Six of Cups…the card of tender nostalgia. While driving, the sky put on a show.

The sky has been particularly dazzling this week, here in Austin town, deep blue with giant mashed potato clouds plopped flat on the bottom and left puffy on top, looking from here like an angelic bounce house.

I have been so delighted by the giant Texas sky. As a Los Angeleno transplanted to Austin by young widowhood ( I have close family here), I am used to a flat, washed out blue and mostly cloudless LA sky, too dry to form these fluffy masterpieces in front of me, delighting me in a way that is hard to describe. Making me feel a special kind of  “safe”, which is a feeling on short supply since losing my husband, and, you know, the world now being Bizarro World.

Then it hits me. These clouds are abundant in November in LA. And November, to a kid growing up in the last generation of Angelenos who will know a Los Angeles that was affordable, that had streets filled with kids on Halloween in every neighborhood…a pre-internet, delightfully punk rock childhood free of tethers and low on hovering supervision, is one of the best times of the year.

Privileged? Hell yes. My mom’s single motherhood barely registered for me in a struggling way, the self absorbed, weirdo brat that I was. We just knew Dad lived somewhere else and we saw him on weekends. She was that good. She made it happen.  She is AMAZING at holidays, my mom. The best.

And November is the Good Time, when you are lucky little kid growing up in LA in a sane, comfortably middle class family. That is Halloween, and then Thanksgiving and Christmas all smack up against each other. And, because you are a kid, you don’t really grasp all the WORK THAT WENT INTO THAT..all the cooking and shopping and planning..so it was all sparked with a gently spooky promise like a Ray Bradbury short story. Good smells of cooking,  people dressed up for parties, atmosphere changing decorations, the special food (you don’t get to eat yet, stop it) and the personal holiday rituals, and that delicious, difficult to quantify feeling that is a mixture of “everything is ok and very, very safe”…and “everything is magical and anything could happen”.

OK YEAH BUT ABOUT THAT TAROT STUFF, JHONE.

Right..right. Ok. Everything you read above? That is the Six of Cups in a nutshell. THAT feeling. And missing it now. Wanting that so much. Wanting to Go Home Again.

Hard to come by these days, innit? That safe but exciting feeling? Oh we have exciting. I mean, we have little tinpot despots here and abroad making really dazzlingly dangerous choices, so that’s a VERY exciting thing, yesirree.

But safe…cozy? Noooooope.

In relationships, the Six of Cups is about that too. The desire to be with someone who gets you on a deep, soul level. Forget acrobatic sex and passionate drama, er, for the moment. This is about comfort. Being known. Being seen and accepted. It can also mean an old friendship that blossoms into a romance.

It’s what we crave once we grow past the desire to have constant newness, constant variety, constant excitement. When you want sanctuary. Someone who has your back.

The sanctuary Temperance provides.

I took a lot of stupid risks when I was younger. I would list more of them, but, um, my mom reads this blog and I ain’t sharing,  and don’t care if I am in my forties. I did a lot of stupid stuff. I had fun while doing it, don’t get me wrong, but if I have a guardian angel, well, they were busy then. BUSY. I used to think the Temperance card was SO boring. So very plebeian. So settling.

Now I cling to this card, when it shows up in a reading, like a life raft that is sailing to paradise. And paradise is food in the fridge, improved health, and being loved by at least one person. There is almond milk for my chai. It is not being on fire. It is no one dying of melanoma. Right now.

The Temperance card is one of contentment. Of Everything is Going to be Okay. My gods, BRING IT. I will get spanked in a tent on a beach later. (Hm, that was pretty random.) Just so pleased there are eggs and toast.

When Temperance shows up as an outcome card in a reading for another, I breathe a sigh of delighted relief. It means whatever nasty is happening now will end. If you are estranged from your beloved, there is a good chance of reconciliation. In fact, this is a classic combination for just that. The conditions will improve, and you will be content. YOU WILL BE CONTENT.

Content in an age such as this is tantamount to bliss.

 

 

TL;dr: In love based readings, the six of Cups is a card of sweet, affectionate emotions, nostalgia and tender romance. Paired with Temperance, it speaks of a delightfully comfortable life and love. Treasure it as much as you might treasure fiery passion, because the world is wild and wooly. This card combination is also a classic one of reconciliation and being reunited with an estranged love one…..just be sure that is really what you want!

 

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