The Hanged Man in love: What to do when it’s best to do nothing.

The Hanged Man from the New Pallidini Tarot.

Getting the Hanged Man in a tarot spread, especially if it’s a romance spread…tends to make people slump. They either assume it is a bad card, or they just…blank out, and spend time on all the cards around it, carefully avoiding it like the upside down elephant in the room. But…I am here to make an argument that The Hanged Man is a friend. A good friend. The one that gently but exasperatingly tries to get you to PUT DOWN THE SHOVEL (or that phone!) and quit digging yourself in deeper.

Listen to your pal.

An excerpt from my book, Love Tarot for Beginners, on our serene acrobat:

12: THE HANGED MAN

TRADITIONAL MEANING

A pause in the action. Needing to let go of all attempts to control. Sacrifice. Peaceful waiting. Submission.

LOVE READING

This is a card of fascinating contradictions. Its message is one of needing to behave in a way that is probably the opposite of what is instinctual for you.

The Hanged Man is here to tell you that this is a time where you cause more problems the more you struggle, cause more loss the more you “try.” This is a time of letting go; not of the relationship, but of any attempts to control the outcome.

This is out of your hands. In a traditional Tarot deck, you will see that even though the man is suspended upside down, his face is serene. This is you. This needs to be you. In letting go, you win. In surrendering, you survive. If you are pushing someone hard to behave in a certain way, give you what you want to create a certain experience, or even to feel a certain way, then it will not succeed.

This is a delicate time, and whatever happens next will not be up to you. There are certain cards in the deck that strongly reinforce this idea. If The Fool, The High Priestess, Strength, or the restful Four of Swords show in the same reading, then you need to be cool as a cucumber: relax, be gentle with yourself, and let go of all demands.

If the Lovers card appears with this card, well, then you are really twisting in the wind, and the fate of this relationship is out of your hands.

Control is a tricky thing. It’s like trying to sit on top of a beach ball while in a swimming pool: sure, you got that baby under water for now, but eventually it’s going to pop up, and you are going down. Why not, instead, gently hold onto that ball as you skim the surface, letting it carry you across the water?

POSSIBLE OUTCOME

You don’t get to know that right now! This is the Tarot’s “Magic 8 Ball” equivalent of “Ask Again Later.” Later, by the way, doesn’t mean in an hour. Be still. Have faith. Let go. This is a card of beneficial outcome, but only if you stop struggling.

 

Ah. It is very, very hard to let go of the need to control. Especially when you LURVE someone, or WANT someone, or, eep, feel like you NEED someone. That’s a crummy feeling, that last one. It has a graspy, exhausted tone that feels something like holding your arms out in front of you for, say, about an hour.

No good.

Here is a case of freedom in surrender. What does surrender look like, in this case? Setting down the phone. Frantic texts are not for you. Freedom to Think About Other Things Besides Mr. Or Ms. Perfect. Freedom to focus on neglected friendships, hobbies, interests. Freedom, because to do anything ELSE ..to poke poke poke at that cage of wished for outcome, is a big dang mistake. STOP IT. You can not pester the situation into submission..into wanting you.

You are a person of value and you don’t chase after stuff. Stuff wants you, baby.

So hang.

Watch it come to you happily…or drop away, because it was never going to work. Either way.. you win!

Good luck out there!

 

 

 

 

Cha-Ching! : The Four of Pentacles and the Nine of Pentacles in romance.

These lovely cards are from The Secret Tarot deck. Also, I want that dress. And a castle. A castle that someone else cleans.

Betcha been wondering: Now why don’t she write?

(Dances With Wolves jokes are a very hot take, dontcha know.)

Today’s edition of Tarot Odd Couples is brought to you totally against my will. I do quite literally shuffle, cut and lay out two cards, and then require myself to write about the combination. Oh damn. Money. Sigh. I don’t really understand money. I just understand its effects.

It couldn’t be more timely, really. Tarot is fun that way. The jerks. It’s such a tough subject that it slowed me down a bit, but it’s very relevant to my life, and maybe yours, right now. So let’s get to it, shall we?

First: Definitions.

The Four and Nine of Pentacles (or, Coins) are two sides of the same…um.. coin. They are just on opposite sides of the emotional spectrum. On one side..the Four of Coins, we have the miser holding his wealth tightly, fearful of loss, and alone. On the other side, we have the Nine of Pentacles. A card of so much comfort and wealth that the woman in the image is so entirely independent, so terribly comfortable and free of worry, that she is to the point of being, by choice, again, alone.

Both are wealthy. Both are comfortable. Both are alone.

Only one of them is enjoying it.

In a relationship spread, this can mean a few things. It can mean that the person you are asking about it very comfortable financially, but is unlikely to be generous in general. Might engage in behavior that is well past sane frugality and is instead comically cheap. Or, it can mean someone who has such a pleasant and insular life that they need no one else, want no one else, and prefer to be alone.

You can visit. You can’t stay.

Either way, when these two cards are together, it …means money drama in relationships.

I once read a study that I am  far too lazy find again that the majority of problems that happen between couples are money related. Not having enough of it….uneven power dynamics as a result of who controls the money, or even depression, anxiety and general unhappiness in marriages when women earn more than their husbands. Good times.

I went from a marriage to a, by all reasonable standards, wealthy man, but who kept our money separate, with whom I paid my own bills, and he pretty much had no expenses that would be reduced in my absence (beyond health insurance for me). He was a very good man, but he was fearful of loss. VERY fearful…so he certainly protected his interests. Given his first wife…I understood. He had nothing to fear from me, though, and never being able to earn his trust was hurtful  to our marriage. We were very close, but parallel. Not partners. Not all in. He was raised by wolves, so I had some compassion regarding this.

After losing my husband to cancer, which damn near killed me too (she wrote casually, as if it didn’t entirely eff me up for many years)….

A relationship with a wonderful man who works hard, is not “wealthy” by American standards but does just FINE, thank you, and is wildly generous, who has a “we are in this together” orientation and open, fearless heart, fell into my lap like a gift from the gods, and I am happier, closer, more secure, and more content as a pair of “starving” (not really…) artists in our little cottage than I ever was on the lake house with the man who Was Never There. We both step up and work hard and share. I was in the Four of Coins, but now, in spite of current money struggles on my part…live in my Nine of Coins….with Eric.

We are insular. Right now, we cannot afford to go out much. We ADORE each others company. We cook meals and binge watch shows and I work and make pretty things and he makes pretty things and works, and we do ok. We will do better, and I am working hard to make that happen.

Money CAN buy a great deal of happiness in the sense that it can create freedom and lessen stress, greatly. But, the presence of money in a relationship is no promise of happiness at all. Perspective and your heart’s orientation, is.

I am grateful to be so rich in love.